Saturday, August 27, 2011

I'm back bigger than ever!

I hope everyone's summer was great! Mine was good/stressful and full of adjustments. Good memories were made and I have billions of posts to catch up on, so keep watching.

I need to vent today, so I will use my blog . I was going to vent on Facebook, but it spit it out before I could publish. It may be a good thing. I know that many people don't take the time to come to my blog and read it and my truer friends are found here.

Well, I just packed up all my clothes that I bought when I lost weight. They kept mocking me everyday and every pound I have put on, so I decided I needed to pack them up to be opened at a later date. That is a very depressing way to start the day!

It is hard to live in a world that values the outside of a person the most. It is a proven fact that fat people don't advance in jobs as easily, have lower pay and often are invisible or thought of with disgust! I have always struggled with my weight. I was so happy to be successful in taking off 70 pounds and keeping it off for over 2 years. The move and change in my life made it very difficult for me to cope without my need for food. I got out of the habits I had worked so hard to create, like the gym. It sure goes on quicker than it came off.

I hate seeing people I haven't seen for a long time as they get this look of disappointment, shock and pity. Fat people are looked on as weak. Those people are so wrong. It takes a lot of strength to carry on showing our weakness on the outside. I need to gather up the strength to start again, but to be honest I know how hard it was to get it off and even harder to keep it off. It is way harder the 2nd time around. I really don't know if I can gather the strength to start all over again. It eats up every hour of every day. I will start and will welcome the day when I can pull out those clothes again. I hope it is soon so the style stays the same!

Happier posts to follow, I promise


Anonymous said...

Kimara, you are a wonderful kind beautiful person, outside and in. We wouldn't change a hair on your head, just remember , you are not the kind that values people on shallow terms, and neither do your friends. Please don't forget that. Love you,

Anonymous said...

I hear you!! I struggle to even leave the house for this same reason!! Dumb I know but I can't help it!! Just know you are not alone in this never ending struggle.


Kathy T. said...

I'm sorry about your struggles. I think that you're a strong amazing woman. To take off that much weight and keep it off for 2 years is FREAKING AWESOME!!! Don't be hard on yourself. You've had a lot of changes this past year. You'll find your groove. I know it may sounds cheesy - but it's what's in your heart that counts. You - Kimara have a great heart. Oh, if only we could see ourselves the way Heavenly Father see us - I think we wouldn't worry so much.

Lisa C said...

You're so right - it is hard to show our weakness on the outside. And because it's visible, it is judged. I know you can re-establish those good habits again!

Joanne said...

you is special,
you is wonderful
you is AWESOME!
We still miss you and think of you still part of the Brooks ward! Thanks for a wonderful time yesterday. our breakfast this morning with farm fresh eggs was divine!

Anonymous said...

You know that I completely understand your struggle. But I do want to say this - try not to dwell because that just makes it worse, more stressful and more depressing which just causes one to want to eat more comfort food. Always remember this:
You have good friends that love you (for you not your size)
You have a good family circle that loves you (and don't care about your body type)
You have a wonderful daughter that loves you (and who needs your positive life outlook at any weight example)
You have a wonderful husband who loves you (and finds you desirable at any weight)
And most importantly you have a Heavenly Father who loves you (and who isn't going to be worried about your physical body measurements on the day you meet Him!)

Love ya and with ya - kate

Randa said...

You are surrounded by people who love you unconditionally! These are the important people. Anyone else is simply not worth your concern my dear. We have the easy job of simply loving everyone - we dont have to do the judging. I would WAY rather lo0ve than judge anyday! Perhaps its because I am so self absorbed? hmmm You are fabulous dear - revel in it!

Stephanie said...

I never thought of it that way before :( and that does stink! It's tough feeling judged.. No matter what your size. I do know that your example and presence in our ward still inspires me to this day though. Instead of getting into all the ways you are missed I will end by quoting some talented singers: I like you for you! Not bc your tough Ike dirty Harry, or make me laugh just like jim Carey. I like you for you.. Not bc you sing l Ike pavoratti or bc your such a hawtie!! Ok. Maybe not quite the same, but my arrangement is way better!! Love love love.

Jocelyn said...

You are a daughter of our Heavenly Father and he loves YOU for YOU. I think you are amazing.