Sorry I haven't been here!

Hi Guys I don't know about you but I am sick and tired of Winter! I am so sorry that I haven't been here and haven't blogged about Mexico yet. I will soon I promise. I need a little therapy tonight....maybe no one is even checking in on my blog anymore....I have to apologize now for my blue mood.

I don't know if anyone of you have suffered with depression before but I am really down with it right now. I have struggled with it really bad in years past but haven't been on any medication for about 8 years. I have SAD so it especially bad in the winter time. Usually I can cope better in the summer. I am one of these people that like to be happy and try to put on a good face until I come home and crumble. Ever since I have been back from Mexico I haven't really been able to function. I don't know if the warm weather gave me a false hope and now coming home to the reality got me down? I truly don't know. I hear of all of you crafting and sewing and doing all these wonderful things with your kids and I think tomorrow I am going to just snap out of this....tomorrow comes it starts out good and pretty soon I can do nothing but sit and think of all I should do and usually use sleep to forget my problems.

I am struggling to deal with other people, work, talk to my daughter and Sean without being very negative to get a meal on the table is my big task for the day! How do I snap out of this...should I go on medication? I don't know the answer. Sorry

The Result Show

Well Here are my pants! Yikes, why didn't you guys let me in on the fact that they were that big. I honestly thought I looked OK. I feel so like the biggest loser reveal at the end of the show I am so excited. I should have done it as a video so you could watch the pants drop ( the ones I'm holding, not the ones I am wearing....) So imagine the pants dropping and my now weight. By the way I started out at 235 wearing a size 22. These are 20's and they were tight. I wore them in our family pictures if you don't believe me!

TADA!!!!! I really don't want to seem like I am bragging. I know I am still bigger than most of the viewers tuning in.....did I tell you it's a good thing you're nice or I wouldn't like you guys. Yes I am talking to you!



This was one of my favorite cuddly sweaters. I kept it for camping but I think it is just a bit too big. These are my size 12 jeans! Yipppppeeeeee! I know they are a bit tight but....it still counts. Yup I lost 10 sizes so far.

P.S. Thank you for celebrating this milestone with me on my journey.

Celebrating one year!

Well today is the day I actually stuck with my lifestyle change for one whole year! I remember Feb 3 2008 perfectly. It was a Monday (Obviously all diets can only start on a Monday). I had convinced Janet Miller to join a gym with me as I was way too scared to go on my own, so off we went....I knew I was going to be the fattest in the gym and I was seriously worried I wouldn't know what to do. So we started on the Body for life 12 week program of weights as I had tried it before(what haven't I tried..Cabbage soup anyone?)

It was super hard at first and I was nervous for the first little bit, but slowly began to realize everyone in there was too busy doing their own thing to notice me and they were very nice and encouraging. We did that for 12 weeks, then I got a program from my trainer Natasha. She killed me so I had even more work to do. Summer came and I maintained....very difficult on holiday. It was a lifestyle change. That means being realistic so I did eat..but I also tried to exercise. I lost and gained 5-8 pound for a month and 1/2. Then in September I reached the 50 pound mark....Miracle! It was so hard. I started Spin class at Inspire and have lost 2 sizes but not much weight.( you need to try spin. It is a KILLER! I kid you not!)

I have struggled with wanting to eat sweets since tasting them again at Christmas but the battle still goes on. I would like to lose another 18-20 pounds and be a size 10. I SQUEEEEZE into a size 12 (but the zipper is up so that counts!) I have a bunch of pictures that are coming but Sean forgot the cord at work so I can't load them. I hope you don't think I am being vain. I need to celebrate this victory. Weight has always been an issue for me.

I want to do a shout out to all those that have helped me. Without you, I could have never done this.

#1- When I got the call to be a tribe leader, I knew I had to be in good shape for all the walking and busy hours. So I asked Heavenly Father if He would help me get in shape. I wanted to be able to tell my kids about it and give them a real life answer that our hardest things can be accomplished with His help. I fasted every month for that purpose, sometimes 2-3 times. I also included it in my prayers daily. I could not have done it with out the Lord's help. Thank You

#2- My family. Sean and London have been a big help trying to notice little changes and making me feel special and beautiful. And not snacking at night in front of me.

#3 - My friends. Every time you said a kind word about how I looked, I stored it away for a bad day and remembered that you noticed. My gym buddy Janet M. was amazing and I couldn't have done it without her. My other gym buddies Janet and Terri for all the counsel and encouragement and making me do the 5 minute plank (they swear it is only one??? I don't believe them). Everyone at the gym who gave me pointers and encouragement and training. I am grateful for my spin instructors at Inspire as well.

#4 I can't miss out on Bob from the Biggest Loser. I love that show and him and seriously I hear him in my head all the time when I am lifting weights or trying to run. Believe me, he is much better than having Richard Simmons in my head (I went through a Sweating to the Oldies and Disco Sweat phase. (I believe I passed those special videos on to Stephanie if anyone wants to beg them off her!) I seriously love Richard too. I love you best Bob

Well now for the secret. How did I do it?...the most asked question. I have tried over and over and over and have never lost more that 30 pounds. The secret besides #1-3 above....(and of course you Bob xoxox) IS...are you ready...Never quit. Every other time I would lose 30 pounds and think it is taking too long...so I quit. I just won't quit. It has been the hardest thing ever. Especially now. I gain a few, lose a few and the battle is really hard. I am going to get serious again and really work on my eating.

Sorry this is so long. I am sure you skimmed over it. It is my journal and this is a very important day, so I want to document it well. May you be blessed in whatever is your hardest thing to deal with, with faith in a Heavenly Father, with a family who loves you and friends that keep you going like I have been blessed with. With those 3, I can feel a size 10 coming on and 70 pounds down! Pictures to follow tomorrow!

A shoe shining day

Well yesterday was a great day for our family. Sean was called into the Bishopric. I know that you aren't suppose to be proud, but I am. He is a great guy. I know that there are dozens of men in Brooks that could easily be the man so that makes me even more grateful. I know that he will learn a lot about the administrative part of the church. I know that he will be forced to grow spiritually as well so that will be a big benefit for our family. My favorite part of the day was watching Jack Mossey's face....he was so proud to put his hand up. Those kids will miss him during church time he is the fun one.
Sunday morning Sean woke up early not able to sleep. We cut his hair Saturday night (ears included). He got ready, cleaned up his suit and lint rolled it. The best part was when I watched him shine his shoes. This is the first time in along time that he shined up his shoes. It was so cute!
Back to moving....we didn't find out about moving until Wednesday this last week and he received the calling 2 weeks ago. So we told the bishop and Stake President and they said to go ahead with the calling. So this may be short or we may be able to stay? We fasted yesterday but no answer yet.
Well my blogging buddies I am so excited for tomorrow it is my one year Anniversary of starting at the gym. I have a very special blog planned...so tune in tomorrow.

Update...I got it!

I got my passport in the mail today! Yippee...I'm off to the sun! Anyone want to go to Vegas for a weekend now if I find a sweet deal?

sleepless....

Well here I am...I wish I was in my comfy bed sleeping but my mind is too busy thinking. I don't know if you have all heard yet but on Wednesday they announced at the college that they are moving the electrical program to Medicine Hat. This came as a huge shock as there wasn't even any talks of this that we knew of. A few years ago I would have been so excited as I love Medicine Hat (and still do) BUT now I absolutely love Brooks as well. I am just so torn and upset. Why is it when life is just cruising along something happens to upset it?

So now the big decisions. Does Sean commute? Do we move? Do we try it out for a year? I know that Heavenly Father is in charge of my life and I know from the past experience I have had that all will be well. I just hope that we make the right decision. My job is the most affected as it won't move and of course I am so worried for London. She and her best friend Letitia are so close and she is doing so well in school and sports. *Side note: She just got tons of awards, one for every subject she is in today, honors in all! Hip Hip Hooray! I am so proud.

Well, I know I am addicted to blogging! All I did while tossing and turning is think about what I could write! I feel better now, so I am off to dream...zzzzz

Life is too short...

Well thanks to Joanne I came home last night and organized 3 kitchen drawers, one cupboard and the top and side of my fridge. I threw out lots and have a bag full for Sally Ann! I was a little bit overwhelmed with it all yesterday because there are some area's in my life that need to be de-cluttered. I decided to do the timer for 15 minutes and attack each one slowly but surely. Thanks again Joanne I will still never be as good as you but I started!

I have been worried about what to blog about until Randa pointed out that it is my blog and I can blog what I want to. She also suggested printing it out every year though a company that makes it like a book...so my journal problem is solved!

Today I really miss my mom ( she died 7 years ago much to young). I am very frustrated with my family we really aren't close. I have tried to reconnect with some of them that I was really close to my niece in particular...but that isn't going so well. She came and lived with me and it didn't go well to say the least. Well I want to re-establish a relationship and work through it but she isn't willing. Today I got a scathing letter letting me know she doesn't want to even be my friend on facebook! Well back to de-cluttering....I can't have these feelings stay with me so I need to do all I can on my part and leave the rest up to her and the Lord. Sometimes we just need to get into a different place in our lives before we can see the other side of the situation!

Thanks my friends out there for letting me vent...it was a good therapy session today now I just need a good cry and 15 minutes with my bookshelf and I will feel better!